As the near-record crowd gathered in the Hackers’ woodland stadium (Fire Safety Certificate in the post), the tension between the opposing fans mounted palpably. After all, the dwarfs sneered, these weren’t just posh, silver-clad, poem-reciting, spike-eared, tear-shedding, dress-wearing, horse-loving High Elves... these were Wood Elves, the Friends of the Foliage, the Lovers of the Leaves or, in the ancient dwarfish, Grun Dron Noh-Noh (Trans: Touchers of the Furry Folk). These lunatics didn’t even wear armour!
As the home team faced off against the Dwarf Warhammerers though, the jeers and chants of the crowd were but a distant murmur. The Hackers, having convincingly defeated the Grinning Moons in their last game, were fast hoping to become the giant killers of the league, if their opponents stood but a little taller, at least...
Their morale (and bowel control) loosened a little as they watched Flint Churnblade waddling onto the field, his balance up-ended by the roaring chainsaw that was brandished above his head.
‘Zipper’ Hare-Foot was in fact heard to comment when he saw the smoke billowing from the back of the dread-machine, ‘That can’t be good for the trees!’
Girth the Treeman was however, more worried about the other end.
As the game began, the shout of ‘ONE...! TWO...! THREE...!’ went up on the side-lines. It was not, in fact, the coaching staff timing the start of the elves’ plays, but rather the tally of touchdowns which the Hackers had managed to dance past the dwarf lines in quick succession.
Then the second half began, Flint cranked his chainsaw, and the payback began...
The dwarfs struck at the heart of their opponents with a surgical precision that would make even a Dark Elf assassin proud, with Flint chopping and booting his way through the elf lines until he was finally sent off for a blatant foul that utilized the assistance of no less than six other players!
By half way through the second half, most of the Hackers were languishing in the dug-out, either unconscious or badly hurt – but all of them quite thankful that they were still alive!
Once again, the cursed number 6 journeyman came off worse with a serious injury which ended his career for the Hackers, and all the while, the dwarfs inched slowly towards the end zone, eventually getting the ball over the line as the last of the spectators were donning their cloaks and heading for the exits.
As Bobart Fleetfoot looked up to the stands to celebrate his score, he realised that the Dwarf Warhammerers were the only people left in the stadium and that night had fallen.
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Mortalis 3 - 2 Green Glade Hackers
The Hackers suffered their first defeat of the League today and its bitter sting chilled their hearts like the clouding of the sun on the gayest spring afternoon!
Alas! The leaves of Athel Loren wither from the drought of joy whilst the silver-singing rivers swell with the tears of the land!
Woe! The lark-song is silenced from the dawn as the carrion grow restless in the bows of the trees!
Weep, oh Brothers of the Oak and Sisters of the Willow! Weep, for this tale I scribe is the herald of our crashing doom!
Terror filled the hearts of the Wood Elves as the vile dead-things lurched onto the field yet, despite losing the toss, the elves were granted the first drive.
A touchdown came quickly, but it was a hard-fought victory, bought with the blood of the Hackers’ hired help. The team’s relatively novice apothecary shrugged as the journeyman was carried limply from the pitch.
Another touchdown followed, but this time for the undead, who managed to kill the Hackers’ part-time cheerleader, ‘Thoroughly Dubious’ Duran, maim Athelan the Wild and knock unconscious both Helfen Acorn-Doom and Twister Pine-Cone in the process of scoring.
With so few players still standing, Mortalis steamed ahead with a second touchdown, leaving the elves feeling, as Stormwind was to later put it, ‘rather gloomy’.
Half-time could not have come too soon...
As the second half began (foretelling the great calamity that was before them), the Hackers wondered why the recently-expired Duran could be seen in the Mortalis dug-out, chewing on the still-warm limbs of the departed journeyman.
The ball sailed down the pitch after the Hackers’ kick-off and the golden-haired Lady of Loren shone her light onto the elves, filling their hearts with merriment and joy, and they blitzed forward. Stormwind caught the ball before it even touched down and danced past the loping undead defence to score an equalizer.
The undead weren’t exactly quick to respond, but they were certainly relentless. They shambled through the elven defence, knocking them flat as they went. The only player not constantly planted face-first in the pitch was treeman ‘The Outrageous’ Girth, who did little during the match but get mummy-bandages tangled in his branches.
Despite their every effort to stop Mortalis, the Hackers simply couldn’t prevent them from scoring their third touchdown and, try as they might, they were certainly unable to obtain the much-needed equalizer before the referee’s whistle stopped the carnage.
I hope that I did touch you all with this tale of woe as I, in turn, did touch myself while writing it.
Weep now, weep!
Alas! The leaves of Athel Loren wither from the drought of joy whilst the silver-singing rivers swell with the tears of the land!
Woe! The lark-song is silenced from the dawn as the carrion grow restless in the bows of the trees!
Weep, oh Brothers of the Oak and Sisters of the Willow! Weep, for this tale I scribe is the herald of our crashing doom!
Terror filled the hearts of the Wood Elves as the vile dead-things lurched onto the field yet, despite losing the toss, the elves were granted the first drive.
A touchdown came quickly, but it was a hard-fought victory, bought with the blood of the Hackers’ hired help. The team’s relatively novice apothecary shrugged as the journeyman was carried limply from the pitch.
Another touchdown followed, but this time for the undead, who managed to kill the Hackers’ part-time cheerleader, ‘Thoroughly Dubious’ Duran, maim Athelan the Wild and knock unconscious both Helfen Acorn-Doom and Twister Pine-Cone in the process of scoring.
With so few players still standing, Mortalis steamed ahead with a second touchdown, leaving the elves feeling, as Stormwind was to later put it, ‘rather gloomy’.
Half-time could not have come too soon...
As the second half began (foretelling the great calamity that was before them), the Hackers wondered why the recently-expired Duran could be seen in the Mortalis dug-out, chewing on the still-warm limbs of the departed journeyman.
The ball sailed down the pitch after the Hackers’ kick-off and the golden-haired Lady of Loren shone her light onto the elves, filling their hearts with merriment and joy, and they blitzed forward. Stormwind caught the ball before it even touched down and danced past the loping undead defence to score an equalizer.
The undead weren’t exactly quick to respond, but they were certainly relentless. They shambled through the elven defence, knocking them flat as they went. The only player not constantly planted face-first in the pitch was treeman ‘The Outrageous’ Girth, who did little during the match but get mummy-bandages tangled in his branches.
Despite their every effort to stop Mortalis, the Hackers simply couldn’t prevent them from scoring their third touchdown and, try as they might, they were certainly unable to obtain the much-needed equalizer before the referee’s whistle stopped the carnage.
I hope that I did touch you all with this tale of woe as I, in turn, did touch myself while writing it.
Weep now, weep!
Thursday, 20 January 2011
Green Glade Hackers 2 - 1 Frati de Sange
‘They’re all a bit pale...’ whispered Twister Pine-Cone, nervously watching their opponents from across the half-way line.
‘Hark at her!’ crowed “Thoroughly Dubious” Duran from the sideline. ‘You need a bit of sun yourself, love!’ he sneered , still gripping his pom-poms in his broken fingers. He cast a withering glance at Wynona as she cartwheeled her way down the edge of the pitch. The cheerleader had the crowd on their feet, jeering and slavering in equal measure. Duran shook his head, ‘And you can watch your step an’all, yer dozy tart.’
‘GROUGH-RAAAAAR-GRRRRRRR!’ agreed Girth. But Girth was a tree and didn’t really understand what was going on.
Maybe it was the blizzard which swirled around in the roaring gale, but their opponents did look a bit pale, and Twister couldn’t help but find it a little unsettling, the funny spots which were dotted around the white pitch, deep red, turning pink as they spread...
‘I think they may be vampires,’ he continued, but Glorfindel was only half-listening, concentrating more on when to plant the ball.
‘Of course they’re bloody vampires! Now watch this!’
“Go Long” Glorfindel fired the ball down the pitch and it was lost in a curtain of snow before it even touched down.
The referee’s whistle blew the start of the match and, without him being aware of it, Twister Pine-Cone’s hand was nervously rubbing his neck...
By the end, the Hackers had to agree that it was a good game – a much-needed good game – after a rather uninspired start to the season. It was close, sometimes too close, but victory came finally without anybody getting killed, or worse, resurrected.
The Hackers would like to thank the Frati de Sange team for a great game and complement them on the spirit they showed throughout the match. (And if they could please return our cheerleader to us when they’ve finished with her, it would be much appreciated...)
‘Hark at her!’ crowed “Thoroughly Dubious” Duran from the sideline. ‘You need a bit of sun yourself, love!’ he sneered , still gripping his pom-poms in his broken fingers. He cast a withering glance at Wynona as she cartwheeled her way down the edge of the pitch. The cheerleader had the crowd on their feet, jeering and slavering in equal measure. Duran shook his head, ‘And you can watch your step an’all, yer dozy tart.’
‘GROUGH-RAAAAAR-GRRRRRRR!’ agreed Girth. But Girth was a tree and didn’t really understand what was going on.
Maybe it was the blizzard which swirled around in the roaring gale, but their opponents did look a bit pale, and Twister couldn’t help but find it a little unsettling, the funny spots which were dotted around the white pitch, deep red, turning pink as they spread...
‘I think they may be vampires,’ he continued, but Glorfindel was only half-listening, concentrating more on when to plant the ball.
‘Of course they’re bloody vampires! Now watch this!’
“Go Long” Glorfindel fired the ball down the pitch and it was lost in a curtain of snow before it even touched down.
The referee’s whistle blew the start of the match and, without him being aware of it, Twister Pine-Cone’s hand was nervously rubbing his neck...
By the end, the Hackers had to agree that it was a good game – a much-needed good game – after a rather uninspired start to the season. It was close, sometimes too close, but victory came finally without anybody getting killed, or worse, resurrected.
The Hackers would like to thank the Frati de Sange team for a great game and complement them on the spirit they showed throughout the match. (And if they could please return our cheerleader to us when they’ve finished with her, it would be much appreciated...)
Thursday, 13 January 2011
Green Glade Hackers 2 - 2 Ashen Villains
The winds scoured the cursed grass, half-dead, of the Ashen Villains’ stadium. Heads bowed mournfully, the Green Glade Hackers didn’t notice its bitter teeth. Today had been Clooney’s funeral, and even the threat of their Dark kin could not wake them from their woeful gloom. The Villains revelled in their misery, pressing their advantage. Before the first ball had even touched the foul earth, they were upon their foes, hammering home a mocking touchdown, smashing the Wood Elves’ drive.
It was Stormwind, the strongest of them, the one called the Golden Tornado, who raised the Hackers from their deep grief-slumber. Two words, a whisper, carried to all with the timbre of song: ‘For Clooney...’
‘FOR CLOONEY!’ leapt up their reply, the light of the sun as reflected on a spring stream, burning deep in their eyes. A defiant equalizer burned too upon the scoreboard just moments later.
But the cunning and resourceful Villains fought back and fought hard. The Hackers strove to hold their tide at bay, but another touchdown for the Dark Elves was inevitable. The Wood Elves however would not be beaten. Not today. Not Clooney’s day! They pressed hard and once more won the equalizer.
‘Thoroughly Dubious’ Duran was brought low as an Ashen Villain attempted with some success to ram one of Duran’s pom-poms down his throat. It is thought that he will have to miss the next game while the Hacker’s newly-appointed tree surgeon attempts to remove it.
As the referee raised his whistle to his mouth for the final time, a chance came for the Hackers. Caught off-guard, the Villains had lost the ball and the Hackers were quick to take advantage. The ball was plucked from the feet of the Dark Elves, thrown down the pitch. Stormwind waited, so close to the end-zone that victory was inevitable, and she raised her hands to grasp the ball and score the winning touchdown...
And then she saw it, glimmering yellow on the side of the pitch... a single buttercup, sprouting from the hateful earth. A buttercup. Clooney’s favourite. Tears welled as the Wardancer remembered her friend, Clooney the Bear.
Then the ball hit her full in the face and everything was black.
It was Stormwind, the strongest of them, the one called the Golden Tornado, who raised the Hackers from their deep grief-slumber. Two words, a whisper, carried to all with the timbre of song: ‘For Clooney...’
‘FOR CLOONEY!’ leapt up their reply, the light of the sun as reflected on a spring stream, burning deep in their eyes. A defiant equalizer burned too upon the scoreboard just moments later.
But the cunning and resourceful Villains fought back and fought hard. The Hackers strove to hold their tide at bay, but another touchdown for the Dark Elves was inevitable. The Wood Elves however would not be beaten. Not today. Not Clooney’s day! They pressed hard and once more won the equalizer.
‘Thoroughly Dubious’ Duran was brought low as an Ashen Villain attempted with some success to ram one of Duran’s pom-poms down his throat. It is thought that he will have to miss the next game while the Hacker’s newly-appointed tree surgeon attempts to remove it.
As the referee raised his whistle to his mouth for the final time, a chance came for the Hackers. Caught off-guard, the Villains had lost the ball and the Hackers were quick to take advantage. The ball was plucked from the feet of the Dark Elves, thrown down the pitch. Stormwind waited, so close to the end-zone that victory was inevitable, and she raised her hands to grasp the ball and score the winning touchdown...
And then she saw it, glimmering yellow on the side of the pitch... a single buttercup, sprouting from the hateful earth. A buttercup. Clooney’s favourite. Tears welled as the Wardancer remembered her friend, Clooney the Bear.
Then the ball hit her full in the face and everything was black.
Saturday, 27 November 2010
A Savage Maw and a Bloodied Nose
As I looked out of the window this morning and saw a layer of freshly-fallen snow on the ground, I couldn't help but think it was a good omen for my Fenrisian warriors as they prepared to fight their first ever battle.
The last four weeks has seen me spending hour upon hour painting the basecoats on my army - at the moment a humble 1500-odd points' worth - and I thankfully managed to finish them a day before battle.
They weren't pretty, they weren't finished, but they were ready to fight.
In the end, my opponent and I agreed on a 1200 point battle which meant that I had to take a fairly bare-bones force in order to boost the number of models on the field - one special weapon and one heavy weapon in total, the rest mainly boltguns.
I did however manage to field a Wolf Guard pack with Jump Packs and twin Wolf Claws which weighed in at a massive 350-odd points for the five models.
We played a fairly basic scenario with five objectives to capture. No bells and whistles for our first battle, just a straight fight with a clear mission.
And my enemy? None other than our fellow battle brothers, the Blood Angels!
My Wolf Guard squad worked against me numbers-wise as my twenty-nine models were faced with around forty Space Marines across the board. Given that I had a combat-geared army, the sheer number of bolters bearing down upon me was a great concern!
To cut a long blog short, we lost in then end - 3 victory points to 2. It was a close call, but the weight of numbers and some shocking tactical decisions on my part led to something of a massacre.
My enemy fielded a small unit of just four Death Company, and they were complete monsters in combat! Things started well for me when I charged my Wolf Guard into combat with one of his Assault squads and completely massacred them in one round! I was quite impressed, but he answered by cutting through a nine-man pack of Blood Claws like they weren't even there!
I wasted one of my Assault Cannon-armed Terminators by putting him with a pack of Grey Hunters and spending the entire game guarding one of the objectives - the only thing that came into range of my one heavy weapon was an empty Rhino - which of course he destroyed. Still, this warrior had no real effect on the game whatsoever.
Njal performed well, but I managed to lose the game with him in the last turn by forgetting to use the Chain Lightning result on the Lord Of Tempests table on the one Assault Marine that was holding one of the objectives. If I had managed to kill him with it, the game would have been a draw!!
Still, it was a fantastic game which flowed really well considering neither of us have played 40K in ten years (and therefore never with these rules), and I can't wait for my next battle.
Now to finish those paint jobs...
The last four weeks has seen me spending hour upon hour painting the basecoats on my army - at the moment a humble 1500-odd points' worth - and I thankfully managed to finish them a day before battle.
They weren't pretty, they weren't finished, but they were ready to fight.
In the end, my opponent and I agreed on a 1200 point battle which meant that I had to take a fairly bare-bones force in order to boost the number of models on the field - one special weapon and one heavy weapon in total, the rest mainly boltguns.
I did however manage to field a Wolf Guard pack with Jump Packs and twin Wolf Claws which weighed in at a massive 350-odd points for the five models.
We played a fairly basic scenario with five objectives to capture. No bells and whistles for our first battle, just a straight fight with a clear mission.
And my enemy? None other than our fellow battle brothers, the Blood Angels!
My Wolf Guard squad worked against me numbers-wise as my twenty-nine models were faced with around forty Space Marines across the board. Given that I had a combat-geared army, the sheer number of bolters bearing down upon me was a great concern!
To cut a long blog short, we lost in then end - 3 victory points to 2. It was a close call, but the weight of numbers and some shocking tactical decisions on my part led to something of a massacre.
My enemy fielded a small unit of just four Death Company, and they were complete monsters in combat! Things started well for me when I charged my Wolf Guard into combat with one of his Assault squads and completely massacred them in one round! I was quite impressed, but he answered by cutting through a nine-man pack of Blood Claws like they weren't even there!
I wasted one of my Assault Cannon-armed Terminators by putting him with a pack of Grey Hunters and spending the entire game guarding one of the objectives - the only thing that came into range of my one heavy weapon was an empty Rhino - which of course he destroyed. Still, this warrior had no real effect on the game whatsoever.
Njal performed well, but I managed to lose the game with him in the last turn by forgetting to use the Chain Lightning result on the Lord Of Tempests table on the one Assault Marine that was holding one of the objectives. If I had managed to kill him with it, the game would have been a draw!!
Still, it was a fantastic game which flowed really well considering neither of us have played 40K in ten years (and therefore never with these rules), and I can't wait for my next battle.
Now to finish those paint jobs...
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Not Quite Dead...
Just a quick update for today.
Having spent the last thirty-six hours in bed suffering from lots of shivering, vomiting (and various other inconveniences) - not to mention a severe case of Too Much Information - I have now lost two nights of painting.
Still, no need to panic yet. I'm back on my feet - almost fighting fit - and ready for a nice relaxing afternoon of catching up.
It's not the end of the world, as hopefully my years as an amateur film producer will give me the ability to shift around a few things on the schedule and get right back on track. Note the word 'hopefully' there...
Sorry there's nothing more exciting to report at the moment, but I really have to get back to the brushes!
Hopefully I'll be back soon with a more promising update.
Having spent the last thirty-six hours in bed suffering from lots of shivering, vomiting (and various other inconveniences) - not to mention a severe case of Too Much Information - I have now lost two nights of painting.
Still, no need to panic yet. I'm back on my feet - almost fighting fit - and ready for a nice relaxing afternoon of catching up.
It's not the end of the world, as hopefully my years as an amateur film producer will give me the ability to shift around a few things on the schedule and get right back on track. Note the word 'hopefully' there...
Sorry there's nothing more exciting to report at the moment, but I really have to get back to the brushes!
Hopefully I'll be back soon with a more promising update.
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
The Glory So Far...
For the last few days, I've been throwing myself into basecoating my Space Wolves army in preparation for their (and my) first battle on the 27th November.
And what better place to cut their teeth than Warhammer World, in the heart of Games Workshop's HQ?
We really are looking forward to our first battle, despite the main fight being with the rulebook! It's been over ten years since either me or my opponent have played 40K, so obviously we've never played with this current rule set. I think I might have to bookmark the important sections of the rulebook, like how to use a Range Ruler* and what the difference is between a chainsword and a lascannon...
*(As a complete aside, a friend of mine recently mentioned that the Games Workshop Range Rulers are not the most accurate measuring devices sometimes. He took two of them and placed them next to each other, and by the time he got from the base to the tip, there was about half an inch difference between the measurements on them!!)
In all seriousness though, I don't think it'll take us long to pick it up again, especially as our armies don't have much in the way of complicated weaponry or rules. We'll probably only have one tank on the battlefield - and that's a Rhino, if you want to call it a tank...!
But before that, I have quite a tight painting schedule to stick to. So far, I've painted the black areas and most of the metallics...
And what better place to cut their teeth than Warhammer World, in the heart of Games Workshop's HQ?
We really are looking forward to our first battle, despite the main fight being with the rulebook! It's been over ten years since either me or my opponent have played 40K, so obviously we've never played with this current rule set. I think I might have to bookmark the important sections of the rulebook, like how to use a Range Ruler* and what the difference is between a chainsword and a lascannon...
*(As a complete aside, a friend of mine recently mentioned that the Games Workshop Range Rulers are not the most accurate measuring devices sometimes. He took two of them and placed them next to each other, and by the time he got from the base to the tip, there was about half an inch difference between the measurements on them!!)
In all seriousness though, I don't think it'll take us long to pick it up again, especially as our armies don't have much in the way of complicated weaponry or rules. We'll probably only have one tank on the battlefield - and that's a Rhino, if you want to call it a tank...!
But before that, I have quite a tight painting schedule to stick to. So far, I've painted the black areas and most of the metallics...
Alright, they don't look like much at the moment (if you read my previous posts, I'm sure you can see the problems I had with the spray gun - meaning hand-painting most of the armour is now on the cards), but I'm pretty confident they'll look good when they're done.
As I said, I have a fairly tight schedule, and here it is...
(DRUM ROLL...)
Wednesday 3rd: Finish metallics
Thursday 4th: Fur, gun straps
Friday 5th: Animal skins & tongues
Saturday 6th-Monday 8th: Bone, stone and parchment
Tuesday 9th: Hair and faces
Thursday 11th: Plasma & power weapons.
Friday 12th-Monday 15th: Reds (AWAY)
Tuesday 16th: Yellows and Purity Seals
Wednesday 17th: Crux Terminatus, Scout trousers, gravel bases
Thursday 18th: Paint bases
Friday 19th-Thursday 25th: Power armour and any extra bits.
I'm pretty sure this list covers most of what I need to do, but there will inevitably be the odd bits and pieces that I haven't accounted for.
The only unknown element is how long the armour will take to paint. I've given myself just short of a week, but on thirty-four models, that's still nearly six a night, so I might get a bit pressed towards the end. The best thing I can try and do is to claw back some time on the smaller, easier bits and then maybe I can get a day or two extra.
Of course, that's not even taking into consideration the Drop Pod...
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