The Hackers suffered their first defeat of the League today and its bitter sting chilled their hearts like the clouding of the sun on the gayest spring afternoon!
Alas! The leaves of Athel Loren wither from the drought of joy whilst the silver-singing rivers swell with the tears of the land!
Woe! The lark-song is silenced from the dawn as the carrion grow restless in the bows of the trees!
Weep, oh Brothers of the Oak and Sisters of the Willow! Weep, for this tale I scribe is the herald of our crashing doom!
Terror filled the hearts of the Wood Elves as the vile dead-things lurched onto the field yet, despite losing the toss, the elves were granted the first drive.
A touchdown came quickly, but it was a hard-fought victory, bought with the blood of the Hackers’ hired help. The team’s relatively novice apothecary shrugged as the journeyman was carried limply from the pitch.
Another touchdown followed, but this time for the undead, who managed to kill the Hackers’ part-time cheerleader, ‘Thoroughly Dubious’ Duran, maim Athelan the Wild and knock unconscious both Helfen Acorn-Doom and Twister Pine-Cone in the process of scoring.
With so few players still standing, Mortalis steamed ahead with a second touchdown, leaving the elves feeling, as Stormwind was to later put it, ‘rather gloomy’.
Half-time could not have come too soon...
As the second half began (foretelling the great calamity that was before them), the Hackers wondered why the recently-expired Duran could be seen in the Mortalis dug-out, chewing on the still-warm limbs of the departed journeyman.
The ball sailed down the pitch after the Hackers’ kick-off and the golden-haired Lady of Loren shone her light onto the elves, filling their hearts with merriment and joy, and they blitzed forward. Stormwind caught the ball before it even touched down and danced past the loping undead defence to score an equalizer.
The undead weren’t exactly quick to respond, but they were certainly relentless. They shambled through the elven defence, knocking them flat as they went. The only player not constantly planted face-first in the pitch was treeman ‘The Outrageous’ Girth, who did little during the match but get mummy-bandages tangled in his branches.
Despite their every effort to stop Mortalis, the Hackers simply couldn’t prevent them from scoring their third touchdown and, try as they might, they were certainly unable to obtain the much-needed equalizer before the referee’s whistle stopped the carnage.
I hope that I did touch you all with this tale of woe as I, in turn, did touch myself while writing it.
Weep now, weep!
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